I Have Faced The Smoking Demon and WON

I have decided to write my book, the book about my life, see I have a story I want to share with you all…not yet, but soon… somewhere in my numb body a voice screams out ‘You can do it all at once Narelle’.

So my journey begins… 

I started my book about 11 months ago and realised that I would not be able to do it by myself as it is just too emotional.

So not only am I dealing with the emotions that have come from quitting smoking, the emotions of losing my best friend (Ciggie), I am now also dealing with the emotions being released every time I tell a story from my past.

 

What The *#@^ Was I thinking…

 

Have I lost my mind? Is this a way of trying to keep the crazed animal inside of me busy…the one still craving for a ciggie…but I think it might actually help, help to release the emotions quicker…

Another week passes, this journey I am on is difficult, will I be able to continue doing both…surely I have to fail at one of these…my taped conversations with Monika are getting me to delve deeper and deeper into my past…the only way I can write my book is to go back and relive it in my mind, the tears flow…Please stop…this pain is unbearable…

Every week now for the last three weeks I have cried my heart out…I’ve dealt with so many past hurts, cried for the little girl inside me, the one I wanted to go back and hold…and tell her that everything turns out ok…that without going through all she has, she would never be who she is today…she would not be able to help those in need, those who are going through the hurt, those crying out for help…

 I Stay Strong

Argh, smoking…it’s really just not worth it anymore. I begin to get a little stronger, slowly each day it seems I might just make it. If I can just get through each day, remain strong…deal with the weak moments, by keeping my mind busy, then maybe…just maybe this time will be the last time I ever smoke again in my life.

If it hadn’t of been a doctor who told me to take up smoking when I was 21, then maybe I wouldn’t have to be going through all of this. I know I don’t want to ever go through what I have over the last six weeks, I had so many telling me that it takes 21 days to break a habit…I believe mine took much longer, but that’s ok…I am starting to feel real again…the numbness is sliding from my body like as if my body had be possessed by a dirty, smoke filled demon…I am starting to feel clean.

People can tell you that smoking is bad for you…or that any addiction is bad for you, but at the end of the day…YOU have to be ready…That day will come and when it does, make sure you grab it with both hands and be prepared for the ride of your life.

I want to thank all of my family and friends in my life and also my Facebook friends for being apart of my journey…Without your love and support I am sure this ride would have been much tougher…Thank you from the bottom of my heart…I love you all xox

I will continue to post about my non-smoking life  and would love for you all to remain with me and support me along the way…If you would like to receive my HUG mail, please feel free to fill in your details in the box provided and receive a little HUG mail from me each week…

Because I care

Narelle x